Ello sweet and lovely Friendos
and #NeuroSpicy
friends 
This afternoon I have a MH appointment for/about my binge eating disorder.
Last time was 3 months ago, and I wish this one would be threw months away still.
I'm *not* looking forward to it, as my last appointment, I struggled. Hard.
They want me to start a personal treatment for the disorder. I want that. I fight with it a lot, I want to know how to deal with it better.
But.... I told them last time about my recent developments, my struggles involving time, energy and money.
I told them I was going to move, which costs a lot of money and energy, and also time.
They said they understood.
I told them I could not commit to a treatment yet due to this. I want to do it right, have the spoons for it, and be able to afford the drives there (and back).
They said they understood.
And then came the "buts".
But this...
But that...
Maybe if...
I felt like I wasn't taken seriously. I felt like my current situation didn't care as it wasn't in their interests...
They gave me my adhd meds prescription and a new appointment. Today. And I still have to move. I still have to get into a new routine and new life. The situation hasn't changed yet. I'm still too low on spoons, too low on funds and not really motivated to commit because of all that's happening.
I just can't commit yet. And I'm afraid they'll push me into it now, as "I've been given some time already". I just feel that will be one of their arguments... And I don't have the energy to discuss it again, to explain how hard this all is for me, again...
So I'm really dreading the appointment...
Need to drive 45 minutes for a 30 minute appointment, then drive back... I asked for an early time for the appointment, they set it at 14:00. Which could be early for them? But for me, it means *before* the afternoon. Ugh... More stress because I have less energy in the afternoon...
Yeah, yay for mental (and physical) health issues. At least life won't be too boring?
